How a Norfolk father turned his pain into a lifestyle of the male psyche
A photo of his children flashing on his phone stopped him – and sparked a journey of recovery that now sees him leading a group of 3,000 men in mental health, helping others break the silence which almost destroyed him.
By 2020, however, Mr Burman had been through his “fair share of hell”.
The Gorleston man, then 40, suffered from depression and was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) after Inactive spine surgery in 2016.
The surgery had left part of the disc in his back and this had damaged his spinal cord.
Once an active man who thrived in the gym and loved running and swimming, Mr Burman was told he would walk with a limp for the rest of his life.
Doctors told her she would not be able to lift weights and would struggle to carry her children.
“Everything that was just taken away from me in the blink of an eye,” he says now, thinking back to the moment when everything changed.
“Going from a big strong guy to someone helping me to the bathroom, it was humiliating and debilitating.
“I had everything, a partner, three children including a newborn. I got married in 2019.
“But it all came down.
“And in 2020 I wanted to kill myself. How did I know, when and where.”
Fortunately, in the passenger seat of his car, his phone was on – it wasn’t a call or a message – but the screen was showing a picture of his children.
He says: “That was a sign.” “You need to start getting help.”
READ MORE: Big shake-up for NHS Norfolk mental health services as new system begins
He went to Northgate Hospital in Great Yarmouth and began weekly counseling sessions, where he learned to talk about his inner life.
“They guide you but you have to be your own savior.
I learned to speak. Talking is what saved me.
He said before the meetings Northgate was a “closed book”.
“I work in the oil and gas industry. It keeps everything under your hard hat.
“My father had a tough upbringing in a military family. It’s actually not allowed for men to ‘man up’, that kind of rubbish. They’re two bad words to me.”
While working on his mental health, Mr. Burman created a survivor’s guide, something he thought might help other people cope with what he had gone through – and had the idea to start a Facebook group for men to share their stories.
He says: “I kept putting it off.
But I was reading a book about a sports guy who had the same accident as me, except he was paralyzed.
“I couldn’t get it out of my head. It could have been me.
He says: “That was a sign to do it.
The main goal of The Man Cave is to provide a platform for men who have never been able to talk before, a safe place where they can talk anonymously about issues including addiction, money and relationships.
Mr Burman also wants to help break the stigma surrounding men talking about their emotions and mental health.
He is the team’s sole director, and spends 40 to 60 hours a week editing, reading and commenting on content.
“It takes a lot of time. But something like this is very much needed, he says: “It’s increasing every day.”
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Do you need support? The NHS First Responder service can be reached by calling 111 and selecting option 2.
Alternatively, contact the Samaritans on 116 123. Both services can be reached 24/7.
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